At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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