So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
