I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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