$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
