he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
