I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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