I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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