I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize