I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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