His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
