the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
