I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
