Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
