Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
