Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
