I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
