there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
