i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
