New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
