So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
