imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
