mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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