i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
