you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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