One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
