She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
