One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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