I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
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You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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