You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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