we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
