girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
