just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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