My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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