You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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