just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
