Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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