We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
