It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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