Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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