Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
