highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
