Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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