i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
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You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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