Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
