that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
