my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
