So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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