and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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