Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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