Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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