Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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