we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
