They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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