She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
third nipple confirmed
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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