I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
