I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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