worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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