one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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