One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
