Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
