I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
