what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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