I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
God, I missed his penis.
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