Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
