i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
