Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I lost the right to judge tonight
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
