A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
